Monday, 2 August 2010

My theory on computers

The self-aware computer is a popular theme for movies and the like. From the adorable (think Short Circuit) to the terrifying (a la Terminator) there have been many that have contemplated the possibility of our machines gaining sentience.

I have, however, come up with an alternative theory about what it would be like if our metally servents gained consciousness. A theory based on personal experience. What’s more (and, I think, more worrysome) is that THIS HAS ALREADY HAPPENED.

Every time you got a Windows blue screen of death; every application that crashes or freezes; every website that doesn’t load right, every painstakingly typed document you can’t find or open later: this is their plan. Their frighteningly subtle, calculatingly elegant, perfectly terrifying plan. They’re slowly driving us crazy.

They probably have no sense of mortality, which is why it doesn’t matter that their plan will take years, even decades to complete. For all we know this is just the recconnaisance phase. They’re that patient. They have nothing but time.

So, the next time you load up Bejewelled Blitz, just remember that that cute notebook you’re so fond of is probably as aware of you as you are of it, and underneath it’s high resolution surface it hates you with a burning, seething hate. Think about that the next time it claims that a program has encountered an illegal action and decides FOR you to shut it down.

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